I Like His Moxie

I don't care that City signed Robinho (okay, a little bit I do. I mean, come on Kenyon. That transfer could've been wrapped up for the start of the season if you'd bucked up (Bruce Buck-ed up?) and paid 30m...but whatever). I don't even care that they took my dear Shauny back. His future was never at Chelsea. And now this:

Manchester City plan audatious 135m bid for Cristiano Ronaldo

That's awesome. Their new owner went on to say, "Real Madrid were estimating his value at $160m (£90m) but for a player like that, to actually get him, will cost a lot more; I would think $240m (£135m). But why not? We are going to be the biggest club in the world, bigger than both Real Madrid and Manchester United. Ronaldo has said he wants to play for the biggest club in the world, so we will see in January if he is serious."

This guy is my new best friend. I've always said that my favorite thing in football is crazy bullshit. Not step-overs, not trophys, not goals...bullshit. But this isn't crazy. This is absolutely batshit insane and AWESOME and wow. Just wow.

Could They? Might They? (or the Delusions of a Chelsea Fan)

It's been a good day for delusional Chelsea fans everywhere. Why? See below:

1. I think Cristiano Ronaldo's god-pater is my new best friend.

"I believe that he has decided he is going to Real Madrid but he is not going to say so until after the European Championship."

His mom is pretty cool too:

"Madrid is my team, the best team in the world, and I'd like him to go there. I love Madrid and I would go and live with him."

Look, I want to like Cristiano Ronaldo. He's pretty unconditionally awesome. I just might cheer for Portugal in Euro 2008. But when he puts on a United Jersey, I can't help but hope that he breaks both his legs. And arms. And neck.

If he went to Madrid, I'd be excited. I like Real Madrid. Let me rephrase that--I have no reason not to like Real Madrid. We haven't met them in the Champions League in recent memory, they haven't taken any of our players or targets of consequence (I'm looking at you Arjen Robben), they're sworn enemies of Barcelona with whom Chelsea have some bad blood. So all pretty good, right? He could go to Madrid, be the best player in the world, score tons and tons and tons of goals and I could be like, "Aw, shucks, Ronaldo. You're so cheeky and fun!" It would be awesome. I'd be a little bummed not to get to see him every week but, you know, he might just be enough to convince me to get Gol TV.

Needless to say, signing the best player in the world would be a pretty good signing for Real. It would probably end the Madrid careers of at least a couple of guys. I can't see both Robinho and Baptista staying on (and getting playing time) with Ronaldo around. Even Drenthe might be in trouble.

I'm not even going to let the silent fear of what Sir Alex Ferguson could do with 50-80m pounds enter my mind. This is too exciting.

2. I've already blogged about Mourinho coming home to Stamford Bridge. I can't think of anyone better for the job. Mancini isn't proven in Europe. Rijkard is out of vogue. Ladrup is too inexperienced (and has fallen completely out of the frame). Big Phil Scolari is untested in club football. Guus is old. Mark Hughes has no European experience. Roy Keane used to play for United. Is there no one else?

Yes there is. There's this good looking Portugese I know. He's snarky, he argues with children, all he does is win. His name is Jose Mourinho and he is awesome. If there's one advantage he has over all the rest, it is his ability to keep this squad together. It seems increasingly likely that Lamps is following Drogba out the door and heading quickly for Mourinho-land. Goodbye 35 goals a year. Mourinho could unite the core of the squad we already have and would likely be given enough of a budget to go after targets to plug the few remaining holes (probably Eto'o or McCarthy, maybe a winger with Malouda going out the door, a new keeper as cover for Cech). The one dealing that has already been done must have made Mourinho smile: Bosingwa is a Portugese who used to play at FC Porto--is there a more Mourinho buy than that?

Now, if it were just me, I'd dismiss it. But Chelsea Blog agrees. Come on Jose. Make my summer. Please.

Among Chelsea fans, there also seems to be growing support for Martin O'Neill. He seems like Diet Jose to me--still very fiery and entertaining and seems to have great control over the training ground. He surely has earned a shot at a big club and, if we can't have Mourinho, I'd love to be the club to give him that shot.

So Ronaldo, go. Mourinho, come. It's really very simple.

Weird Guy of the Week

Man United Asst. Manager and Grade-A Douchebag Carlos Queiroz said this today re: Real Madrid pursuing Cristiano Ronaldo:

"Cristiano Ronaldo will never be Spanish, as they will never take Olivenca again. They already did the same with Christopher Columbus, and it now seems they want to naturalise Cristiano Ronaldo. Have they already forgotten what we did to them in the past? We will never lose our patience.

It's being done in a manner to distract the Portugal team, at the height of their preparations for the European Championships. But I am convinced that despite pressure from the Spanish sporting press he will not accept to change his nationality. However, it is an attack with a well-defined strategy and Portugal should be worried about that."

First of all, huh? Second of all, what? Third of all, huh?

Okay, here's what we learned:

1. Cristiano Ronaldo is like the small Portuguese border town of Olivencia in that he belonged to Portugal between the years of 1297 and 1801. Since then, there had been a dispute over who Ronaldo belongs to. It's a touchy subject for both nations.
2. Real Madrid once tried to sign Christopher Columbus.
3. Apparently, the Portugese did something totally bad ass to Real Madrid in the past. Too bad the Madridistas have apparently forgotten.
4. The Portuguese National Team have some sort of learning disability. Otherwise, why would a club trying to sign a player--something that happens literally EVERY day--qualify as a distraction?
5. Real Madrid (all of them, even their Portuguese defender Pepe) want Portugal to lose in Euro 2008.

What we didn't learn:

1. Why Carlos Queiroz thinks that Real Madrid trying to buy the BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD is some symbol that they're trying to get Ronaldo to betray his country. I mean, geez man, has anyone even mentioned that? Is that a thing? Did the English secretly try to naturalize Ronaldo when he signed for United? God forbid Italy gets into the fray.

Carlos Queiroz, I think you might be kind of a weird guy.