More on Landycakes.

I realized that last post was pretty heavy on Landy-hating without providing substantive analysis of Landy's performance on the pitch or real reasons for disliking him. So here goes a more thorough investigation of America's most successful goalscorer:

1. The Guardian did an interesting investigation into Peter Crouch's goals last year. People were noting Crouch's phenomenal strike rate (something like 14 goals in 20 games) and someone pointed out that most came against lower-ranked opposition. In fact, the Guardian calculated that Crouch's goals had come against opposition with an average FIFA ranking of 67.21. Michael Owen, on the other hand (who at the time had 40 England goals), scored goals against opposition ranked, on average, 45.43. So while most of Crouch's goals came against opposition roughly as good as Panama, Owen's goals were scored against better opposition--closer to Morocco. Landycakes is at a disadvantage here because the United States doesn't often play against top-tier opposition. It is still my assertion that Landy rarely scores in the few top-tier games in which he plays. I'm going to do this the laziest way possible--I'm going to use current FIFA rankings rather than taking the time to look up the rankings of the opposition at the time he scored the goals. I figure, for the most part, the fluctuations in ranking will even out over 35 goals.

Landon's Opponent Average: 65.91 (roughly equivalent to scoring against Angola)

That is to say that he's roughly as successful as Crouch. He has scored three times against Mexico but the simple fact is four-goal games against Cuba and hat-tricks against Ecuador are inflating his tally.

2. I don't like to complain about players showboating or stuff like that. I tend to believe one thing American soccer needs more of (Mexico games excepted) is more fighting, more spitting, more surrounding the referee. I think if we could show Americans that soccer is "played with the same passion as American football" (whatever the fuck that means), it might gain some respect. But I do think Landon is a traditionally disrespectful player. I wish I could find the video of him screaming at an opposing defender after he scored on him or running over and taunting the Chivas bench after scoring. No one thinks you're cool Landon. It's one thing to do something awesome (like Drogba running to the halfway line and sliding in front of Benitez after Rafa called him a diver or Robbie Fowler doing imaginary lines of coke after the press speculated he was on the charlie), it's another to be a total dick.

3. This will probably sound like I'm railing on MLS but I'm not. MLS is 10 years old. The European leagues have a 100 year head start on us. For where we are, we're doing quite well.

However, Landycakes' safety blanket approach to football is embarrassing. I think it's pretty lame that our best player, the savior of American soccer chooses to play in a C-rate league. It doesn't matter that he leads the league in scoring--he should. The defending is largely horrendous and the goalkeeping is even worse (though both are improving). I remember watching goals of the week last year and, consistently, 3 out of 5 of the nominees were from well-struck but largely mediocre free kicks. That spoke to the quality of finishing but also to the quality of goalkeeping. It's a wonder Beckham hasn't scored more--if you get it on frame, it's got a pretty good chance of going down. Simply put, Landy doesn't have the stones to play on the big boy stage. That's probably why he doesn't score more goals against strong opposition.

4. I don't really dislike him for this but his name is spelled stupidly. I know I could go back and correct the last post but, from now on, we're spelling "Donovan" as "Donavon." I'm happy with the decision.

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the contribution he's made to American soccer. He's clearly one of the great American players of the game and I don't mean to take anything away from him (okay, maybe a little bit I do). I'd just like for us to find 11 other players better than him so I never have to see his rat face again.